July 8, 2015

Take a Ride on the Crazy Train

I've had my fair share of encounters with the bizarre.  I'd like to avoid it, but I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, even if that makes me look like the nutty one.  Let's face it, some people are such good liars and/or actors they could pull the wool over anyone's eyes.  Today I'm going to share some of my faves with you.

Nutball #1.  A guy called me to see a home.  He said he was moving to town because he had just acquired a race team (which is not outlandish in Indianapolis).  He told me that he owned a lot of real estate including a condo in Chicago and a chalet in France.  I pre-qualified him a bit about his finances, and he totally seemed legit.  Later that day I met him at the property.  He pulled up in a 1982 Chevette.  OK...maybe he was frugal.  He was wearing a stained Mountain Dew t-shirt.  OK...don't judge a book by its cover.  We spent a great deal of time in this house, and I took him to two others.  He talked a good talk telling me stories about his days in the racing industry, how he got his start, his wife's non-profit, etc., etc.  At the end of our appointment he gave me an autographed copy of his book "that is being made into a $100 million movie starring Eddie Murphy and Tom Cruise."  Enough said.

Nutball #2.  A guy called me about one of my listings, a beautiful home in a beautiful neighborhood just under $1 million.  He said he had been waiting to find the right home in this particular area.  Things started off totally normal.  Two cars pulled up.  I assumed it was he and his girlfriend.  They walked through the house for several minutes.  They ooo'd and ahhh'd over several things.  "I'm just not feeling it," he said.  Hmmm, OK.  "How much would you start feeling it for?" I asked.  He gave me a price.  He told me it would be a cash deal and he would close in two weeks.  I told him I needed proof of funds before I presented the offer.  He proceeded to take out a disposable flip phone to call his "banker," and walked away.  I started talking with the girl.  "So what does John do for a living?"  "He's an entrepreneur."  Oh, yes.  The mythical entrepreneur.  "Is he your boyfriend?"  "If that's what you want to call it."  Ohhh-kaaaay.  "Let me write down the best phone number in which to reach him."  "He'll get angry if I give you the wrong one."  The red flag had officially risen.  John walked back in and kicked his girlfriend-if-that's-what-you-want-call-it out of the house so we could talk business.  He told me that he was a business owner which included a cafe, beauty salon, and...strip clubs.  He tried to reach his "banker" on two other phones in his possession.  Needless to say, I never saw the funds.  Although if I did, they may have come in $1 bills.

Nutball #3.  An older lady was looking for a home in which to downsize for she and her immobile husband.  We had two full days of homes to see.  During those two days, I got to witness the workings of her digestive track.  She had just started a raw diet which was comprised of broccoli, scallions, beans, celery and cabbage.  She'd bring a purse full of pre-packed baggies and munch all day.  She was kind enough to offer me a bite now and again.  The real problem set in when the food started to work its way through her system.  There were multiple stops for "poop breaks," and just imagine what it was like in the minutes before the stop.  Then, I bumped into her son one evening.  He told me that his mom was a serial-looker and never had any intention of buying a home.  So basically, I had just served as her tour guide on the stinkiest train in town.

Nutball #4.  I won't go into many details here.  I only ask that if you are going to send me naked pictures of yourself from the neck down, don't do it on the same text strand as the one in which we negotiated your offer.

We all encounter strange things from time-to-time in our careers.  There are all types of people that make the world go 'round.  I'm simply asking that you take your meds before you give me a call.

Playing with a full deck,


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